Bambi on ice? Have I lost my mind?

Feeling a bit low on energy these last few days.

Had some nightshifts at work and they totally drained me. Foodwise I have been in control and I started biking to work instead of taking the bus. It´s a 15 -20 min bike ride so aprox. 30 min per day. Haven´t seen the inside of the gym due to the weird working hours.

 So last night I had a friend over for dinner and movies- I bought some crisps n diet coke and admit I munched on them.

My weight is a bit up n down as I need to get my period. This morning it said 90.1 kg. UGHH….100 grams from breakthrough. LOL! Insane huh. Who ever thought 100 grams would be such a big deal!!

On a positive note I would say that I am becoming at ease and in control of my water intake plus I am instinctively making good decisions when grocery shopping. Once I am “on that track” it makes everything SO much more easier as it´s one less thing I have to think about.

There is a fine line at this point, between surrendering to a depressive reflecting state of mind and looking forward. It is very easy for me to look at the past and then start to think about all kinds of weird shit.

My mother recently went abroad for a longer stay, and I miss her so much. Suddenly I feel quite alone- even when I am with friends.

As mentioned in an earlier post- I had a very intense past 6 months- and she was there with me and for me and now I am like Bambi on the ice.. Litteraly. It´s friggin cold and the snow has fallen..

I laugh sometimes when i think about my “problem”. That I tend to equate happiness to a different appearance than the one I have now. I hate marketing people!!!! Ironic they are all fat, balding bastards. Haha…sorry- just needed to vent..

The only good thing I can think about regarding this whole weightloss thing is that I seem to have a goal. On all other areas of my life- it seems a goal is lacking. It somehow brings peace to my heart knowing that I have stopped wishing for it to just happen, but finally realized that it IS possible and that it is up to me to make it happen… Some would say that was obvious- but sometimes the most simple things seem so tricky..