What a morning! Geez!

Guess I shouldn´t have gone to bed at dark ´o rama! But i did You know how it is…

Anyhow- I had set the parking meter to 9:40 am- and well- I woke up at 10:am thinking SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!! HOLY SHIT! ha ha..

 Seriously i think I got my clothes on in less than 30 seconds- I am NOT joking. Luckily there was no parking ticket so I decided since I am out anyway I might as well go do some grocery shopping- and I did. (should be said that I live on the 5th floor with no elevator !)

Just got back and I am waiting for some dude to come read my radiators.  A moment ago I stood on the scale (dreading it as usual, but with a hint of adrenalin hehe).

Turns out I am now at 90.2 Kg- so that is not bad. 200 more grams and Bye Bye 90´s (again)! This will probably be a real mental boost to see the shift from 90´s to 80´s and Lord knows I need a mental boost if anything.

Sometimes I truly wonder: would I be a totally different person if I was slim/thin? Would I truly be happier?

I am starting to think this is just a big LIE and when I hit my goal weight I will probably just meet fall in love with a man who loves heavy women LOL!

When I look around, also in my inner friend circle, I see some nice pretty goodlooking people, but they also have so many insecurities. Sometimes I think they are alot more self-conscious than myself. Perhaps it has something to do with my weight problem/ issues having followed me since elementary school …. It is as if it HAS become a part of me, even if I like it or not.

When I dream, or think, or act – I often “think” like a slim person. I go on my daily life and manage NOT to think so much about my weight as – Thank Heavens- I DO have a very charming personality and a pretty face (i think so atleast).  But then someone will comment stuff like ” You have such a pretty face- now if you just lost the weight..” !

It´s a classic. They comment on my pretty face and then they become all ” awww- that´s a pity” as if- “you are so close to being GEORGEOUS, shame you are not”.

 Mostly it is absolute strangers that do this. When I was on vacation this summer- I was really down and the whole purpose of going on vacation was to think positive. So anyhow, in the hotel I wake up and my mom and I head down for breakfast- and it was like a big breakfast buffet with EVERYTHING- so keeping healthy was no problem.

My mom went to the table and as I got up to bring some eggs she asked me to bring her a choccolate croissant on my way back.

As I take my hand down to reach the croissant- a TOTAL stranger- another hotel guest actually- looks at me and makes the “no you realy shouldn´t”- sound and shakes his head.

I was in shock! THAT SO HURT! I went back to the table and the beautiful view of the beach was ruined for a few hours..

So I have met people like that ALL my life- and the worst part about them is that they catch you off guard. So unless you automatically get triggered and throw a fit- you are just bound to sit afterwards and think- WHY didn´t I just SMACK the shit out of him, or throw some hot scramble eggs on his head…

 Oh well- this is a very long post so I should wrap it up. Bottom line is- 800 grams down- 200 more grams and im in a new “era” lol.

Hug

M