Why am I doing this?!

I need to stop weighing myself every single morning.

Problem is Im just too curious and well, it´s not realy helping when the scale goes in the wrong direction! This morning weighed in at 98,7 kilos   Friday i was 98,3 kilos so 400 grams is giving me a hard time.

Stupid, I know. I am eating as healthy as possible. I am drinking lots of water and manage somehow to move atleast 40 minutes per day.

Why is nothing happening!? Im stuck in the 98-99 kilos spectrum. I can´t seem to get past 98!

So I have been considering starting on some more routined exercize. I feel I am too heavy to run, and I am not a gym person at the moment… Only thing left is the local swimming pool but the mere thought of me in a swimsuit makes me shiver..

Nevertheless I do own one and I am quite the swimmer. Sooo…I just checked the opening hours and they open everyday at 0700 am. There shouldn´t be many people at that time huh? And kids are probably still asleap…

I love swimming once I am in the water. Its the time between the showers to the actual pool that I hate. Having to flash my big white fleshy thighs…UGH! I need to keep telling myself that I should not pay attention and just go! I am fat and I am doing something about it. I can´t do anything more than that. I can´t change over night and I can´t hide my body in a swimsuit.

I just realy feel the need to move my body some more and I am sure that my weight will be affected in the positive way. And I have to stop weighing myself every morning. Once a week should be enough.

Suddenly the road seems so long and lonely. I keep telling myself that I managed to drop 12 kilos and that I did a great job. But I want MORE! I want to be the one to say – i lost 20 kilos! That is a realy pretty number. Here I go again- focusing on numbers and all that. Years of practice folks!!!!!

I was watching Dr.Phil last night and there was a show about morbidly obese people. Obese didn´t cover it- they were MORBIDLY obese… wow, I felt so sorry for them cause even thought Im not morbidly obese, I still am waaaaaaaay overweight. This poor 14 year old girl was weighing no less than 190 kilos!! Her mom was working in a junkfood restaurent and she was eating away all the time. Burritos for breakfast etc.

Fat is scary! I admit I usualy want to loose weight because of appearance- but the health issue is also a big motivator.. Fat can cause so many diseases and I don´t know what. I wan´t to live a long healthy life- and an active one too.

I know happiness is not about loosing 30 kilos- but to me it will be about reaching my goals, doing something for ME that is good and healing.

Im slowly learning how to control my emotional eating patterns. For instance, last night i had ONE small piece of chocolate with my evening coffee. ANd I was realy in for another piece, but I told myself to wait and think about it. And I thought about it and let the craving be felt in my stomach… The fact that I actualy STOPPED and THINKED and DECIDED not to eat the extra piece of chocolate was realy fantastic. Earlier I would have popped it in my mouth as soon as the thought entered my brain. No stopping- just in with it.

It´s my new found tool- to aknowledge the craving, to stop and consider if I should or shouldn´t and then decide. Sometimes I decide YES, cause I am not going to cut out sweets or anything like that for the rest of my life. I just want to include them in my meal planning. I want to control it and not just eat it with no thought of tomorrow..

Anyhow- it´s 6 am and I should get some sleep. I woke up because I was sleeping realy bad..and then I weighed myself and was even more down.

It´s a fresh new day today. I will keep up with my healthy eating and go for a nice long walk later.

Everything will be ok I guess..

Miracle Bra!

As you may have noticed in my pictures I have rather large breasts. I don´t like having them so big, but I am hoping to loose alot of weight and then get a minimizing surgery.

12 kilos ago (3,5 months ago) I was a 100 H !!!! An H- that stands for HUGE! I was realy sad- cause I feel I can´t find normal clothes, and I am always trying to hide as much as I can.

Anyhow- I went to buy a new bra this weekend and went directly to my favourite underwear brand- Primadonna! They make AMAZING bras – also for us big breasted women. The quality is fantastic!

Went into the dressing room and tried the usual 100 H.  But the cup was suddenly a bit too big! And yay- i dropped a cup size and I am now a 100 G !

It´s going in the right direction

I bought only ONE bra (and i NEED atleast 2 more), but I simply won´t pay that much money for bras in sizes that I am trying to escape.

I´m gonna use the H cup ones that I already have untill I am definitely an F cup.

Will be fun to have most of the alphabet in bras!! (but I am not counting on going past C or D!!!)

I am realy tired of having to take a loan in the bank just to buy a bra! There are cheaper bras than Primadonna in big sizes, but they just suck! Primadonna is the only bras in big sizes that doesnt look like grandma bras.

This is the bra i bought: (not me in the pic..argh!!)

Nice huh!! Beautiful bra!

The proper bra can realy do wonders for the body! For a while I was still wearing an E cup- and I always wound up with the classic “four boob” syndrome. The bra was just never sitting as it should on my body… Untill I had to buy a new bra and I got measured by the assistant in the shop.. She came back with my then 100 H cup! I almost fainted. I was like..H!?

But I tried it on- and i went WOW! It conquered and divided! It lifted and didn´t squish my breasts. It sat perfectly!

Seriously- the wrong bra size can just ruin the whole posture. I think lots of women wear the wrong bra size.. smaller bra size than they need. If you are reading this and you are not sure of your bra size- get measured! You will thank me later!!

Anyhow- enough boob talk!!

Just ate some nice lunch- i had peas,spinach,onions – nicely cooked and sprinkled with parmesan. Now drinking coffee and water.

I hope this week will result in atleast one kilo in weight loss.

I forgot to tell you!!

I dropped a dress size!!

I was getting ready to find some clothes for the party I was going too and I found some nice pants that I had once worn but had gotten too fat to wear!

I recall that 4 months ago I tried them on but they couldnt even zip up.

I decided to try them on just for fun (having the 12 kilos lost in the back of my mind).

THEY FIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was extatic!!!

WOW what a motivator!! I couldn´t beleive my eyes. Seriously I was amazed. It´s been YEARS since something like this has happened. Most of my clothes I had to give away because they didn´t fit anymore and was too painfull to look at…

But these pants were so nice and like new..

Amazing.

It realy does pay off eventually…

You win some, you loose some..(I hope!)

I survived the grand birthday dinner !!

But I admit I ate alot of nice food and had some icecream etc… Let´s just say I was not thinking TOO much about my diet. But I didn´t go overboard either. The only real fattening food I had was a chocolate croissant!

The real sin was actually when I got back from the trip..

I ate chocolate and chips because my period arrived.. I get insane cravings and I just had to eat that.

But now I feel better and instead of knocking myself over with guilt, I start fresh tomorrow with a healthy shake, fruit, salad and some exerzise. As long as I get back on track it will all work out.

I hope I didn´t gain. It´s ok if I didn´t loose weight- the sucky part is if I gained. ARGH!

When will the madness end. I know there just is no alternative – I have to loose weight. I want to be HOT for summer

There is a new fresh day tomorrow. I don´t want to look back. I enjoyed the party and I am glad I didn´t think all the time about food. I just had fun.

First week is over!

One week has passed since I started on my diet.

There have been ups and downs- scale wise. I can´t help but weigh myself in the mornings even though I should only weigh in once a week…

In all cases I just posted my weigh in result and if the scale is correct, I am 2,4 kilos lighter than last week!

This next week that is waiting for me, I know will be a challanging one. I´m going to a huge birthday party with dinner etc.  and it´s an overnight stay – thing..

So I realy have to be strong and not go wild on all the goodies.. My plan is called fish, meat, veggies, water, soda, fruit, and one small piece of something for the coffee. So if there is going to cake or something, I intend to have a piece, a small one though. For me that is very important to allow myself to also eat at events like that. The trick is that instead of tasting from everything, I will eat what I know is good for me- and then choose ONE good thing for the coffee instead of putting 3 different cakes on the plate…

I have a LONG way to go still but I am thinking about summer already!! I have from , let´s say december.. I have from december untill like..may to loose atleast 20 kilos.  Thats 6 months. Can I do that?! I think I can. Thats one kilo per week.. more or less..

If I manage to loose 20 kilos from current weight untill may- that would mean a total weight loss of 32 kilos!! But I will take any number as long as the weight is dropping. Even if i manage to loose only 10 kilos more in that time I will be more than happy.

I have stopped putting deadlines on myself…i have all the time in the world to loose this weight. As long as I am working on it there is no reason to beat myself up about it or go  crazy saying “oh no- summer is round the corner- i need to loose 30 kilos fast!.” NO! I won´t do this to myself. I am enjoying my life even though I have this problem. If my entire life becomes only about my weight I will never smile or realize how great my life is and how fortunate I am to have what I have.

Setting motivating goals is a good thing, but its also the successes along the road that count.

Welcome second week!

Christmas goodies everywhere!!

It´s not easy trying to quit with all the sweet foods during this season!!

Everywhere there are goodies that I haven´t seen in a year, and I realy want to eat some of it.

But I haven´t! And I won´t , I don´t care. They will come again next year right?!

In the supermarket it´s the worst. All the goodies are near the exit where you stand and wait in line.. all very well planned. So I just look down on all my veggies and fruits and I pray that soon I will be out of there!!

Some days are worse than others. I am having serious cravings right now as I am bout to have my period. And usualy I get some chocolate, a magazine, make tea and camp out on the sofa. But I´m realy trying not to go there this time…

I can live through this! It´s just food! I have to eat the right ones.. and yea, I can have a piece of chocolate if I realy want a piece. But one becomes two…etc. So I wan´t to lose 5 kilos atleast before I but any of this sort into my mouth.

Haven´t weighed myself today, will do that friday. So check it out in Weigh In results.

Pray!!

Secrets of the fridge!

So there- I lived through the weekend where coffee and CAKE usually go hand in hand. But I didn´t feel the urge and the thought of my scale dropping was more drool-activating than a piece of cake.

I have found out through the years of dieting etc. that I usually fell in when I had absolutely nothing in the fridge. When I ran out of foods that I can eat or create something from that was the time I would grab whatever that was around.

So now i make a huge deal out of ALLWAYS having something that I can eat that won´t ruin my weightloss challange..

Musthaves in my fridge:

Any kind of greens and vegetables.

Avocado (yes i know they are fattening, but i chop one half in the salad and then the salad is suddenly alot more yummy.)

Hard boiled eggs. – Easy healthy snack that is easy to take with you on the go.

Mozarella cheese and Cherry tomatoes. – A delicious salad can be created with mozarella,tomatoes and basil leaves. Just a few drops of olive oil if you must. Usually I use half a mozarella. This is the perfect healthy snack when you realy want something GOOD.

Tea- many different sorts. I drink tea when I am starting to get a craving. It calms the stomach and fills it up. And ofcourse water too.

THats it- my must haves!

Would be nice if anyone would comment- what do you have as a must have in the fridge?

Hug

nonfat

Finally below 100 kilo!!!

3 months ago I weighed 109.8 kilos.

I lost the 9.8 kilos in 2 months. But I never came below 100 kilos.

For about a month I was not gaining nor loosing weight, and towards the end of that month I was at 101 kilos.

But this morning i weighed…..99.6 kilos!

The feeling I felt when I finally saw that I was below 100 was amazing. And even though it´s just water at first, then it gave me a real kick to keep up the good work

Im NEVER going back to the 100´s!!!!

1 kilo!!

Today was a great day.

Went to a flea market and found some cool stuff!

And I took a sneak peak at my weight this morning and had lost 1 kilo! (I know it´s only water but still). I guess drinking lots of water and staying on the healthy path, is a good kickstart.

I had the most fantastic sushi for lunch today. Since I ordered a rather filling menu It kept me full untill evening. And I didn´t realy feel like eating a big dinner so I had a shake and some water, coffee and some cherry tomatoes to snack on.

So that was my day! Plus I got inspired even more to loose the weight as I saw so many amazing vintage clothes that were so beautiful!

So…i know the day will come. For now I enjoy watching the amazing stuff I want to wear. But my dream is to be able to wear what I love.

First day back on track.

Today i created the blog that will be my supplement to my weightloss journey.

When I lost the 10 kilos last time I kept my calorie intake below 1000 cal. per day. I also drank alot of water and went for a walk everyday- min. one hour.

This time I have bought some new running shoes and I will try to move in a little faster pace. Slowly though as I will probably not be able to run for 30 minutes straight just yet!!

I have never been a fan of different diets. I have tried them all , Atkins, WW etc. But the only one that worked was this one that is pretty easy to follow as everything is pretty much allowed.

The trick though- for me- has been a supplement of the nutritional powder shake called Nupo. The 10 kilos that I lost , I haven´t gained, and I took a break from sticking to the 1000 cal. per day for atleast 1,5 months. And I haven´t gained at all! So, therefore I will try to loose another 10 kilos with the shake.

Basically I start my day with a shake that consists of 100 cal. I also eat a kiwi or some other fruit, drink some coffee or tea and water.

When I am hungry I eat a healthy snack, vegetables mostly. I have no limit on the intake of vegetables.

Around noon or so, or at the normal lunch time, I take another shake and some fruit or salad.

If I am hungry I eat something- as long as it´s healthy. If I decide to eat a larger salad or a healthy meal, I don´t take the shake. I take maximum 2 shakes per day- primarily in the morning and noon. This way my calorie intake during the day is kept to a minimum and I can allow myself to enjoy a well cooked dinner.

For dinner i eat fish, meat, chicken etc, and healthy vegetables or soups. I try not to eat pasta and bread and rice in big portions, but I do eat these foods.

As long as it´s healthy.

Thats basically it. I don´t use sugar or oil AT ALL.

It worked the last time and the 10 kilos are gone for good.

Today i ate:

morning: 1 shake, 1 kiwi, coffee and water

lunch: cooked vegetable mix with slices of mozarella cheese (low fat)

Snack: 1 shake

Dinner is coming up- and I am having a steak tonight and salad.

Water intake has been atleast 1 liter so far and I have to drink atleast one more liter.

Am going out for a one hour walk before dinner.